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| sometimes it's hard to just receive.
many convos yesterday made me think of that.. God's love is so immense. it's so hard to receive it.
a convo a few days ago reminded me that love can be so hard to comprehend.
but once it's received, internalized.. it's life changing. life giving.
last weekend, at i&v's wedding, their friend sang a song he wrote called "receive." not only all the girls were dropping their jaws as he sang wonderfully, but i know the depth of my soul cried a huge sigh that i don't ever have to do anything to earn God's love. it was a beautiful reminder.
Empty-handed I stand after striving so long
Unexpected I'm finding I don't have to be strong
Your grace is amazing, it's taken me so long to learn
Your love has never been something I have to earn
Lord I receive your love, here in this moment
Your mercy flows like rain on my heart dry and broken
I receive your love today
It's hard to believe that all I must do is receive
Sweet mystery, all I must do is receive
Lifted up on your shoulders, I am a child once more
From your higher perspective showing me what's in store
My reality's changing, I'm seeing my life through your eyes
And all that you give us is taking my heart by surprise
I receive your love, here in this moment
Your mercy flows like rain on my heart dry and broken
I receive your love this day
It's hard to believe that all I must do is receive
Sweet mystery, all I must do is receive
And with arms wide open
The love that I've been hoping to find has finally arrived
And the sky can't contain it, the earth can't explain it
The depths of my heart is alive
Lord, I receive your love, here in this moment
Your mercy flows like rain on this heart dry and broken
I receive your love right now
It's hard to believe that all I must do is receive
Sweet mystery, all I must do is receive
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| just watched "dan in real life".. great movie..
loved that line. :)
i wrote yesterday's post out of joy of God's faithfulness more than anything.. yes, i miss Japan, yes, it hasn't been easy being here (esp summertime), and i miss all my friends..
but being here has been a bundle of great surprises, where i've been blessed beyond any expectation.
i'm here because He's led me here, and it's been good. way beyond anything i could have ever imagined.
in reflecting on many things this weekend, i'm again reminded.. as much as there is a deep desire in my heart, my heart is still His. and i can definitely plan on being surprised.
dreams since high school can also be out of sheer ignorance with deep passion. adulthood makes us a lot more jaded. i wanted to remind myself not to lose the dreams i've had, and to not lose hope that God has things in store that are way beyond any human capacity. that He is and will reveal Himself as true and faithful in all things.
talking about surprises.. last night T and i went to LA to see some up and coming artists.. lots of surprises.
i personally wanted to see Justin Nozuka, a Canadian artist, live, since his voice is absolutely soulful and fabulous. while we were waiting in line, we saw him in real life. surprise....
he was amazing live, as expected. the next guy, Eric Hutchinson, was also very very amazing. great performer.
but.. Marie Digby was not very good live. cute (maybe too cute), but... not that good. that was quite sad. we left after a few songs (and really felt bad as her sister, parents, other relatives, and best friends were standing right behind us).
plan to be surprised. | | |
| if it were up to me, i'd probably be doing this right now:
GT 2008
tomorrow (japan time would be today..?) is the final day of the two-week stm trip for these third culture high school kids who are reaching japanese high schoolers. my first time was 11 years ago (!!). it changed my life forever.
our team went to kansai (osaka & its surrounding areas) for the first week, and back to tokyo the 2nd week. paul (now director of ihiba) was my leader. i remember dreading using my japanese to translate my fellow teammates' testimonies, but i had to. and as i translated, testimonies were shared, and God moved. as with any stm trip, there were lots of drama. lots of tears. lots of laughter. lots of lives changing in front of my eyes. lots of moments of joy and thanks.. that God would allow us to take part in His beautiful work of touching lives. during those two weeks, all my dislike and shame of who God has made me to be ethnically - third culture, japanese yet not, and westernized yet japanese - were wiped away. i couldn't doubt that He's made me this way, and that it was good.. He's used my uniqueness to connect and share about Jesus with japanese and non-japanese alike. it's like i've come alive. God has made me alive.
my 17 year old heart began to desire and long for all japanese people to experience the loving relationship with God that comes through Jesus Christ. heck, even just get a small taste of God's unconditional love that He has for all people. my friends and i began dreaming and crying out together, giving our lives to God and for His Kingdom.
and most of us are. i think of M & S, classmates who were also on the same team in 97. one is a missionary-to-be, and another, planting house churches in japan. Y is still helping with GT, while breaking into the film industry and being light through his gift in screen writing. D is back at GT again this year, turn tabling so youth could connect to God through music.
we all still dream of working together for the sake of spreading the gospel in japan. we might be old and wrinkly by the time we can all be together again (who knows? maybe Jesus will be back by then?) but Lord-willing..
this deep longing and desire still remains in the deepest part of my heart.
yet even this is His.
i'm thankful for friends to dream with.
and they are also His.
God is already doing amazing things. I remember Y and I talking a few years back about how, if God would do miracles of healing in the streets of Tokyo, many would come to know Him. Then a friend forwarded me recently of a blog where a team went to Tokyo to specifically pray for and heal people a few months ago.
thank you Jesus.
friends i grew up with are also preparing to go fulltime, whether it be vocational ministry or tentmaking. it's an exciting season.. may the harvest come.
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| reality & dreams.
do you ever wonder if both will intersect?
for some time now, i wondered if they ever would. this past week, i felt really torn - a friend called me to join in on leading a missions team in japan. natural disasters stir a deep desire to take action to go out and do something. a conversation with a non believer made me wonder.. what am i doing.. here?
lately friends have been asking me about my next steps. well, more like, "when are you coming back to Japan?"
i wish i knew. but i don't know. yet i know it's a good place to be - because in the past, i always had to know. and i'd make sure i would get there. yet i've been learning to hold on to things a bit more loosely.. that my future is not mine to hold, but it's all His.
all the grandeur of doing great things for Him have started to fade. He's been inviting me to examine more closely the deeper desires of my heart - or, of His heart embedded in mine ... inviting me to a quiet realization that dreams can be actualized in reality, in the present.. today. it may not look grandiose, but really, that in the small, little things, I am still called to live as salt and light, to love Him and my neighbor. in the small things, i am still living out my/His desires, one day at a time.
And I want You more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for You, maybe I'm made more faithful
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| My mom cracks me up. There are two emails she sent me the past week after my parents' visit..
I think/hope they had a great time here that they forgot to tell me all these things in person. So my mom is now reflecting on all her concerns about me and letting me know.. through email...
久美へ
dear kumi
元気？
how are you?
スピード出し過ぎに注意！！
Be careful of speeding!!
パパも心配していました。
Papa was also concerned.
ところで、ママが日本から買っていった洋服を着てね。
By the way, please wear the shirt Mama bought for you from Japan.
__したので、是非着て下さい。
Because it cost __, please wear it.
着ないなら、ママが着ます。
If you're not going to wear it, Mama will.
ママ
Mama
My response:
ママへ、
Dear Mama,
了解です。
Got it. (in a more formal/honorific language)
あと、洋服ありがとう！暖かくなってから着ます。今週は結構寒いです。
Also, thanks for the shirt! I'll wear it when it gets warmer. This week is quite chilly.
ママも元気でね！
Take care, Mama!
久美
kumi
Mom's reply:
Subject line: 日焼け止めクリーム (sunscreen)
久美へ
dear kumi,
日焼け止めクリームは、１０円玉くらいの大きさをチューブから出して、顔に塗らないと効果がないそうです。パパも久美子の日焼けした顔を見て心配していましたので、クリームはしっかり塗ってから外出するようにしてね。
Sunscreen is not effective unless the amount you squeeze out and put on your face is as big as a 10yen coin. Papa also saw your tan face and was concerned, so please put on a lot of sunscreen before you leave the house.
ママ
Mama
--
I put on sunscreen on my face every day, Ma.. but unfortunately it's so sunny out here.. what to do..? But I admit, I only squeeze out about a 1yen coin's amount rather than a 10yen coin..
As for the speeding, I drove slower than usual. But apparently it's a lot faster than how it is back home.. where they rarely go over 100km/h(60mph). But I have to admit, at times Papa was scared of my driving. He was hanging on tight to the handrail on the ceiling of the car.
I must say, as much as my mom is a bit crazy, I love her so much. Happy Mother's Day, mom :) Thanks for always watching out for me :)
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